Waiting for our Season

Sometimes things or people we want don’t come our way, it hurt us a lot to the extent of doubting things, people, life and sometimes we feel like committing suicide but the truth is there is a season for everything and Homo proponit, sed Deus disponit.

According to Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 King James Version (KJV)

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

The fact things and people we desire failed us, doesn’t mean we aren’t good or doesn’t worth it/them. It means there’s a better offer for us or that particular time isn’t the perfect timing of having it, we shouldn’t blame, rebuke, hurt, suffer or belittle ourselves or existence when such happens.

I know we’re humans but we shouldn’t let disappointment or betrayal affect us either physically, emotionally or spiritually. Like Dr. Tai Solarin said ‘May your road be rough’

Always remember the big fish is never caught in shallow waters. You have to go into the open sea for it.

To anyone going through any disappointment, betrayal or rough times, the best thing to do is to pray to God, trust the process, flow with the moment and believe something great is coming your way. Every disappointment is a blessing in disguise.

Darling, you matter, your life matters, don’t let anything or anyone underestimate your being, you own no thing or no one your happiness and inner peace but yourself.

“Fall down. Stand up. Straighten your crown. Carry on.”

SHALOM

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Different People When They Hear About a Wedding Proposal.

1)

Wow!!! you are engaged, I’m so happy for you. Nothing will tear you apart. Blissful marriage ahead. Call me when the Aso Ebi is available.

2)

What? She is engaged? To who? When? How? When did she meet him? Where did she meet him? How did she meet him? Are you sure it’s an engagement ring? Hope she did not frame it with the guy? She said she is not interested in black guys and she is engaged to a black guy. Is the guy rich? Is he handsome? Does he have a job? Is she pregnant?

3)

What did you say? Bola is engaged, it’s is a lie. Bola that small girl that does not have a boyfriend engaged when I’m not engaged fa (after seeing the pictures). Are you sure this is Bola? The picture looks like a photoshop one. The ring is not an engagement ring joor.

4)

Are you sure she is engaged? Why am I asking for the validity? When I have her friends and families number. I even have internet subscription, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, WhatsApp stories even Google will confirm it for me (bet why).

5)

Welcome to the clique, flaunt ring and inform other members of the clique they have a new member. Fix date and venue for celebration.

6)

I’m happy for you but be prayerful and wise. I wish I never told him YES; He completely changed since we got engaged; we have been engaged for 5/7 years now no plans of marriage, he turned me into Lord of the rings and so on.

7)

Wow!!! “May you both stay in love and united for many years to come” “May this brand new adventure bring lots of happy memories and fun times” “May God shower you with his grace and blessings on your new journey together”

Almighty God, Lion of Judah, Onimajemu, Oba onise nla, Onise Iyanu, the one who bless Bola with a man, bless me with my man anywhere he is; let him find me and propose. Lord let Femi sees me as a wife and pop the question, every family problem that is delaying my proposal be consumed by fire.

8)

The Aso Ebi colour will be Burgundy & Gold; Turquoise Blue& Peach; Royal blue& red; Rolls Royce Phantom for the bride; event centre at Panda Event Centre (Platinum/Middle Hall) Lagos; Tahiti for honeymoon; put on this lingerie on the night of your wedding; you must give birth to twin (boy and girl) after one year of the marriage and so on without asking for the bride or groom to be opinions.

I’m type 1, 4 and 7, what type are you, drop that in the comment box.

Few things I’ve learnt in life.

I once had this mindset about life, I mean how easy and smooth it was, well maybe because I was too little to think or predict challenges are part of life. When the challenges comes up it hurt so bad that I really find it difficult to live, love, trust, have friends or families around and most of my life was wasted on worries, regrets, pain, headaches, heartache and depression. Some of these challenges are a result of my past decisions.
Upon all these challenges in life, there are also the positive parts, the part worth holding on to, and if done properly, it could alter your reality, change your perspective and give you something worth fighting for.

1) Kindness has a great positive effect in life. You don’t have to be an important person or have it all before being kind to people. It doesn’t relate to materialistic things only, good conducts and nice words are included. No amount of the act of kindness is small; it has a great impact on people and your happiness.

2) Let go of grudges – “Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge & harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul. Get even with people…but not those who have hurt us forget them, instead get even with those who have helped us” Holding on to grudges is like drinking a slow poisonous substance. Its kills ones happiness and the truth is that; the one you hold on to might have forgotten your existence and having the best time of their life. Let go of any ill-feeling.

3) Forgiveness – Forgiving those who hurt you is like opening a door to your happiness. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you are a coward or what they did was the right thing. It’s a gift you give yourself in order to be happy and be at peace with your inner mind.

4) We all deserve a second chance – Forgiving those who hurt us doesn’t mean we cut them off our life or forcing them back to our life. For those who still want to be near you give them a second chance they deserve it, people can learn from their mistakes and cutting them off wouldn’t let you see the changes in them. It’s also practical and saves emotional energy. We are all humans, we all make mistakes, and we all deserve a second chance, well, maybe third, fourth, fifth and so on chances. Team Imperfect Us.

5) People treat you the way you allow them to treat you and partially the way you treat them. If you respect yourself, people will respect you; if you check on friends or family, they will check on you… well maybe not all but a fraction will do.

6) Money isn’t the solution to all – I once had this mentality money could solve all problems, I started sacrificing some of my dreams and relationships thinking I’ll have everything when I have money. Then I realized money could purchase anything on earth but can never buy happiness, love and health. Most importantly, it gathers fake people.

7) You can’t control people to be who you want them to be – When choosing friends I always want them to be who I am or to do things I do, forgetting my attitude is nothing to write about, forgetting we aren’t perfect. My life has been a joy to me the moment I started embracing people for who they are.

8) Develop an act of appreciation – Always show gratitude to people not only those who gift things or money to you but to everyone in your life, their existence in your life means a lot. Most importantly be grateful to God, for things he has done, he hasn’t done and he will do…. its opens doors of blessings.

9) Be yourself – “About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all” Most people aren’t themselves because they try to please people, DON’T BE A PEOPLE PLEASER. Pleasing people for acceptance is short term happiness, be who you are and let people accept you for who you are only then you can have long term happiness.

10) Spend wisely- When it comes to spending, I don’t advice people on how to spend their money because we have different source of income and likes for things. But people purchase unaffordable things because they want to dress or be like their friends or colleagues. Spend as you like but being in debt because you want something you can’t afford presently is humiliating.

11) Silence matters in some situation- You don’t always have to react to every situation. If one is hyper the other should remain calm. This would make the other person realize their mistake. Reacting in all situation has destroyed a lot of relationships especially marriage.

12) Follow your heart – One thing I love about me is the fact that I follow my heart. Yes, I seek advice from friends and families and stick to it when there is need. I just prefer following my heart, doing things my heart wants because I realize it helps a lot even if it hurts. I feel relieve and happy anytime I do.

13) Stop complaining and start doing – Stop complaining about your problems or people, cut them off if that is the solution to your problem. When faced with problems no one will solve them for you so get your acts together and start solving your problems.

14) Relationship matters at the end – At the end of the day, what matters most are the people in our lives. Put them first every single day; don’t be too busy to communicate with them. Treat them like they are everything. Because they actually are.

15) Love is everything – “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved” The truth is your heart is the biggest gift you can give anyone. Love people despite their actions, it is the force for good in this painful, nasty, brutish and short world.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails……And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13).
Love people truly and express it, love answers all.

Suicide- An inappropriate way of avoiding pain.

Suicide is the act of purposely ending one’s own life. According to the World Health Organization close to 800 000 people die due to suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds. Many more attempt suicide. Suicide occurs throughout the lifespan and is the second leading cause of death among 15-29 years old globally.

A 32-year-old female banker attached to one of the new generation banks along market road, Ughelli, Delta State, has committed suicide over her husband’s alleged infidelity.

A university admission-seeker simply identified as Loveth has reportedly committed suicide because she was displeased with the 163 mark she garnered in the ongoing Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME).

A young man from Delta State whose lover decided to call it quits took the hard way out by committing suicide are recent cases of suicide.

The act of ending one’s life may seem ludicrous to someone who hasn’t experience suicidal thought. Suicidal thought happens when feelings of hopelessness, isolation, or despair become too heavy to bear and the only means of avoiding the pain is to stop living.

Self-mutilation is deliberately hurting oneself without meaning to cause one’s own death. It includes cutting, scratching, burning (with lit matches, cigarettes or hot, sharp objects like knives), carving words or symbols on the skin, hitting or punching, piercing the skin with sharp objects, pulling out hair, persistently picking at or interfering with wound healing

Causes of suicide

1) Depression:- In psychotherapy and psychiatry, it is a state of mind producing serious, long-term lowering of enjoyment of life or inability to visualize a happy future. Genetics, changes in hormone levels, certain medical conditions, stress, grief or difficult life circumstances are factors of depression.

2)Traumatic Experience:- A victim of any form of abuse or any type of traumatic experience are more likely to end up with post-traumatic stress disorder. PSTD is a mental disorder that can develop after a person is exposed to a traumatic event, such as physical abuse, sexual assault, warfare, traffic collisions, or other threats on a person’s life.A person with PTSD is at a higher risk for suicide and intentional self-harm.

3)Bipolar disorder:- It is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. People with this disorder find it difficult to maintain friendship and relationship with people due to their mood swing.

4)Drug and alcohol addiction:- Drug and alcohol are short-term relief of pain and grief. Many people use it to avoid feeling of pain, depression or guilt. The addiction is a disease that affects a person’s brain and behavior and leads to an inability to control the use of a legal or illegal drug or medication. Means of overcoming such addiction may seem futile and suicide can be the only way out.

5)Relationship problem:- People going through breakups, a person in an abusive relationship, betrayal, rejection of lesbians and gays are triggered with the feelings of depression and guilt. The unbearable emotional pain can result to terminating one’s life.

6)Financial problem

7)Unemployment

8)Losing hope or the will to live

9)Social Isolation

10)Bullying.

Warning signs

1)Withdrawal and isolation of one’s self from friends and family

2)Drinks alcohol or takes drugs

3)Mood swing

4)Insomnia

5)Bringing up death or suicide in discussions or in writing

6)Change in weight or appetite

7)Physical changes

8)Lack of interest in previous activities

9)Loss of self-esteem

10)Previous suicide attempts

Ways of avoiding suicide

1)Put off any suicidal thought

2)Pray to the Almighty and read your holy book

3)Call a trusted friend or family

4)Seek professional help

5)Patiently wait for help

6)Don’t resort to a short-term relief i.e drug and alcohol

7)Have and write a safety plan

8)Be safe and Stay away from triggers.

9)Recognize your warning signs

10)Meet and connect with people

11)Find a support system or group

12)Work on loving yourself and existence

13)Exercise

14)Cook and eat healthy food

15)Get enough sleep

16)Indulge in activities you like.

17)Focus on the positives of the past.

18)Set some personal goals

19)Work towards the goals

20)Most importantly believe in yourself.

I’m not in support of suicide cause it actually not good, I mean when faced with difficulties leaving the world is not the best option, have you ever thought about what the world after death looks like and most importantly suicide is a sin. I just don’t get comfortable with how people criticize or belittle people who commit suicide or attempt.

Why not stop being judgemental and reach out to someone who needs help.

To anyone out there suffering from depression and having suicidal thought I want you to know any difficulty you’re facing now is just for a short time embrace the season for through it you’ll find light and your life is worth living. Don’t be a coward face and fight your fear or pain cause you’re strong and loved.

Letter to my unborn child.

Dear Minime;

I couldn’t contain my happiness with the news of your arrival, I waited eagerly to feel your moves and enjoyed every bit of pain and joy you used in communicating with me.

Shopping your necessities was fun and my face could tell everyone you’re my first child, my attention was drawn to a lovely pink gown and that was when the question of you being a boy or girl popped up. It came to my senses that I’ve been expecting a child i’d no idea of the sex. I became anxious to know if you are a girl or boy, your complexion, shape of your face, nose, mouth, weight, how beautiful/handsome you were going to be, the names i was going to give you- I would love to call you Morenikeji Natasha(girl) Ayomide Nathan (boy) and most importantly if you are going to be momma’s lookalike.

I wept tears of joy when I first heard you were here and wept more when i saw you on the screen of the monitor for the first time, I really can’t tell how much tears is going to roll down my eyes when I carry you on my hands.

Baby, there will be time of sadness, hatred, loneliness, loss, struggle and of feeling your soul stripped bare but trust me it will shape you into ways you and I can ever imagine and it will also make you stronger. Embrace the season for through it you’ll find a light.

Words are important, actions more powerful. Be true to yourself, chase your dreams, always believe you can achieve whatever your heart desires. Have and surround yourself with friends and loved ones, have a lot of fun cause “Life is too short to worry about anything. You had better enjoy it because the next day promises nothing.” Live a life of no regrets, do not give into fear, even when fear may feel like it will overpower you, do not give in.

Know one thing, I am here. Whatever your troubles, it is not too much. If you can’t face it alone, we can face it together. Whenever you seek inspiration I will try and be your spark. Whenever you seek comfort, my shoulder is yours. If you are lost, whatever wisdom or guidance I have is yours.

My love, mummy pen this in her twenties and doesn’t know what the future holds but she knows no matter how hard or easy, her status(single mum or happily married), how busy she will be or any unpredictable event cause life doesn’t seem to be what she pictured it as. I’m going to protect you, create and spend alot of time with you cause we’ve lot to talk about and learn, lot of fun to catch, teach you the way of the lord and nurture you about tricks of life.

Mama loves you.